Maybe

'Maybe I wasn't cut out for this.'  And there it is, the little voice of self doubt that visits often.  'You yell too much...the kids ate chicken nuggets for the 3rd lunch in a row...do you even remember when you mopped the floor last?...where is your toddler? why is she so quiet?...you need to eat healthier, lose weight, workout more, teach your kids about the greater good, etc. etc, etc.'
I'm there today.  I've yelled more times than I can count, tripped over the same pair of shoes more times than I can count, swept the floor a hundred times.  I'm burnt out.  I'M DONE!  Then, there it is, "MOMMA!"  What could they possibly want now?  Then the quiet response: "I love you!"
And I realize, maybe I'm not doing everything right, but I'm the best mom they have ever had.  Who?  ME? 'Yes you! You are the only mom that stops everything she is doing to put American girl knock-off clothes on for the hundredth time, the one that explains why the guy in the VA commercial has a prosthetic leg and what freedom truly means, only to know that its way over their heads.  The one woman in the world that they can sit and watch do her makeup everyday and when you are wearing your worst clothes, they tell you that you are beautiful.'  
You are their idol.  So there self-doubt!  Take that.  You stole most of my day away worrying that I am ruining my children forever or that they may catch some foreign disease from eating the food that fell on the floor. But tomorrow, you will sit quietly in the corner and watch as I conquer this mom thing.  Some days are great, and some days aren't.  Okay, some days really SUCK and make me wonder what happened to that twenty something girl that hangs in the wedding portrait on my wall.  What was she thinking?  Why would she forego all of her life goals to be a mom? 
Then I quietly sneak into their bedrooms at night and almost cry because there are three beautiful faces, perfect in every way.  They think I am the best and tomorrow I will try again to be my best.

That day...

I still remember finding out my life would completely change.  I had a gut feeling, but every pregnancy test said I was imagining it.  Then 3 days later, the test finally caught up with what my body already knew, I would be a mother.  Now, 6 years later, I have already forgotten what I was before a mom.  I have highlights of things I miss, but I have forgotten most.  I now have 3 babies (face it, they will always be my babies--even though they will argue differently).  Everyday I am still working on getting my body back, I drive a minivan, and have given up on cute little purses (seriously, who can get all their crap in there, plus a diaper or snacks).  And yet, I can't imagine my life without any of you.  You are the reason I get up in the morning--no literally, you are right there waking me up every morning!  And the reason I go to sleep at night and for everything in between.   While it has changed every facet of my life, I love most moments of it.  It is such a great adventure to relearn everything through a child's eyes.  Everyday, I get to help my girls discover something new.  I get to join in their accomplishments, heartaches, laughter, tears, and sometimes unending whining.  I can't imagine my life any other way.