The Best of Me

A few weeks ago, I wrote an apology letter to my third.  But, in a way, my third baby has had the best version of me of all my girls.  When my first was little, I was so concerned with making sure I kept up with the housework, dishes, cooking and making sure my life didn't change from before babies.  With my second, I felt like I was completely drowning in things to do.  Here I had two small children to feed, bathe, nourish, and worry about.  But, with #3, something has changed.  I have thrown out all of my parenting books and just basically taken it one day at a time with her.  I don't sweat the small stuff anymore because I know that every phase will pass (and, hopefully, she will someday sleep through the night in her own bed).  I am a more confident mom with her.  While I don't always love the way I look, I have let go enough to go out and do anything I want and not worry about what others are saying about me.  E has gotten to experience so many more things because mommy isn't concerned with how I look in jeans and if I have make up on.  I don't read through cookbooks trying to make sure that every meal is well rounded with fruit, veggies, protein and carbs.  Because, guess what--it all rounds out in the end.  Sometimes with E, right in the middle of my daily chores, I stop washing the dishes and just take a moment to sing and dance with her and enjoy the moment.  I sit in the chair and cuddle and read to her as many books as she will bring, because I know that will only be little for awhile.  It has taken me 2 babies to realize how fast the time truly goes.  I don't freak out about the temper tantrum that she throws, because I remember that the other two did the same and eventually just grew out of it.  E has learned how to be a lot more patient and forgiving of her mother than the other 2.  She learned early that a lot of the time she had to wait for whatever she wanted, and that her mom makes mistakes--A LOT!  I was so ready to get to the next stage with L (#1) that I realize now how much I missed of the stage she was in.  With N (#2), I had a huge life change to go along with her birth (an out of state move with new jobs for my husband and I), so I feel like a lot of my overwhelmed feeling was just an adjustment phase.  With E (#3), I have learned to do a thousand things one handed while holding onto a baby in the other.  Because, some day I will put her down and she won't want me to pick her up again.  I have grown in so many ways as a mother since my first was born.  While I may not have time to keep up with E's baby book or to take a million pictures or video tape every milestone she makes, I have learned to just stop and enjoy the moment, because she is only small once.  Thank goodness I have changed!