In the Moment

Ah, the holiday season!  Concerts, programs, parties, pageants.   This season is so busy for us parents.  I feel like we just run from one performance to the next, and my girls aren't in a lot of activities!  One thing I have noticed lately, in all my audience time, is how much we photograph and videotape every single minute of stage time.  Okay, okay, I know that a lot of moms aren't like me and make sure their battery in their camera is charged before leaving the house (ahem) or that they packed their fancy photo taking phone in their purse (mine is worthless as a camera).  But as I watch so many of these parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles document their small, loved ones, I wonder:  how many of those hours of videotape will actually be watched?  How many photos will actually make it to the printer?  

I am a sentimental type, don't get me wrong, but I wonder:  did the adult really even see the full performance on the screen of their camera or cell phone?  When did we get so obsessed in "capturing the moment" that we missed the moment all together?  

Well, since I can't take pictures on my camera with a dead battery or on my horrible cell phone (which I would have to pry from my toddler who is watching a dancing blob of toothpaste), I have learned to just enjoy the moment.  To actually watch all the children performing, instead of being so zoomed in on my child that I miss the little boy picking his nose, the way the children light up when interacting with the teacher who prepared the performance, or the shy girl who finally started doing the motions with the rest of the group.  These are the moments we are truly missing.  This is why we come to these events and spend countless hours doing hair, finding dresses and practicing lines and songs.  These are the memories that our children will have while reminiscing about their elementary concert or Christmas program, not the hour long performance seen on video playback.

As we go into the final days of Christmas, I realize that I want to enjoy the full picture of what's happening in front of me.  I don't want to see the day through a viewfinder, but rather, snap a few pictures of the highlights to tuck away, and then enjoy the big picture.  

The Best of Me

A few weeks ago, I wrote an apology letter to my third.  But, in a way, my third baby has had the best version of me of all my girls.  When my first was little, I was so concerned with making sure I kept up with the housework, dishes, cooking and making sure my life didn't change from before babies.  With my second, I felt like I was completely drowning in things to do.  Here I had two small children to feed, bathe, nourish, and worry about.  But, with #3, something has changed.  I have thrown out all of my parenting books and just basically taken it one day at a time with her.  I don't sweat the small stuff anymore because I know that every phase will pass (and, hopefully, she will someday sleep through the night in her own bed).  I am a more confident mom with her.  While I don't always love the way I look, I have let go enough to go out and do anything I want and not worry about what others are saying about me.  E has gotten to experience so many more things because mommy isn't concerned with how I look in jeans and if I have make up on.  I don't read through cookbooks trying to make sure that every meal is well rounded with fruit, veggies, protein and carbs.  Because, guess what--it all rounds out in the end.  Sometimes with E, right in the middle of my daily chores, I stop washing the dishes and just take a moment to sing and dance with her and enjoy the moment.  I sit in the chair and cuddle and read to her as many books as she will bring, because I know that will only be little for awhile.  It has taken me 2 babies to realize how fast the time truly goes.  I don't freak out about the temper tantrum that she throws, because I remember that the other two did the same and eventually just grew out of it.  E has learned how to be a lot more patient and forgiving of her mother than the other 2.  She learned early that a lot of the time she had to wait for whatever she wanted, and that her mom makes mistakes--A LOT!  I was so ready to get to the next stage with L (#1) that I realize now how much I missed of the stage she was in.  With N (#2), I had a huge life change to go along with her birth (an out of state move with new jobs for my husband and I), so I feel like a lot of my overwhelmed feeling was just an adjustment phase.  With E (#3), I have learned to do a thousand things one handed while holding onto a baby in the other.  Because, some day I will put her down and she won't want me to pick her up again.  I have grown in so many ways as a mother since my first was born.  While I may not have time to keep up with E's baby book or to take a million pictures or video tape every milestone she makes, I have learned to just stop and enjoy the moment, because she is only small once.  Thank goodness I have changed!

Christmas overindulgence

Well, here it is, December.  I love Christmas lights, Christmas music, Christmas food, pretty much everything Christmas...except one thing:  Christmas presents.  WHAT?  Yep, you heard me, Christmas presents.  It's so overwhelming to me that everyday I pick up toys that were barely played with, just to be thrown about, scattered around the bedrooms, living room and hallway.  And yet, with December 25th looming, I know that my 3 kids are about ready to get another big delivery of toys.  My house is so full of toys: my basement is full of toys, my kids bedrooms are full of toys, I even have toys in the bathroom!!!  However, I find myself searching through the internet just to find more toys, so that I have something to give them on Christmas day.  Does anybody else feel this way?  I feel like I need to get rid of most of their toys just to make room for new toys.  
This year I want to to scream from the rooftop, "Nobody should be buying my kids anything this Christmas!!!!"  Goodness, they can't even keep the toys from the past 6 years Christmases cleaned up!  Yet, if I take Christmas presents away from them, are they going to feel shorted? Just because overindulgence has become the norm?  How sad is it that this is a question that I even have to ask? 
I completely get the foundation of Christmas: God sent his son, Jesus, as a gift to the people.  The wise men gave gifts of offering for the newborn king.   So, I definitely see where gift giving originated.  What we have gotten away from is that gift giving is about showing our love to another person.  Instead, we continue to buy worthless junk for each other just so that we can "give" something.  
I would love to show my children the reality:  some people don't have ONE present at Christmas, some people don't have enough food at Christmas, some people are cold on Christmas, some people don't have clean water on Christmas, and some people live in fear on Christmas and everyday of the year. 
I would love to skip Christmas and just have another Thanksgiving.  I love being together and eating!  I hate the consumerism of Christmas.  While I don't think that skipping Christmas is ever possible, I am searching for ways to slim down and show my children what Christmas really means.  It's not about presents under the tree, a man in a red suit, snowmen and reindeer.  I want them to know that Christmas is giving of your time, your energy, your attention, your love.  
So, while I, and many of you, countdown to Christmas, I hope that we are showing our kids what Christmas is really about.

Drowning

Ugh...I'm drowning.  Tonight, I sat down to make myself a to-do list for my day off tomorrow.  It started as any other list, "laundry, dishes, vacuum, wipe down bathrooms, etc."  Then, I had this overwhelming feeling like it may be faster and easier to just write down the things I don't need to do tomorrow.  Holy cow!  My living room is a disaster, my kitchen is a disaster, my kids have a path to their beds, I need to do mountains of laundry, the girls have single handedly destroyed their bathroom, the Christmas tree needs to be put up, the fall decorations need to be taken down, on and on and on.  So far the only thing I don't have to do tomorrow is unpack from our trip.  How did I get so far behind?  And why do I always feel like this?

Is it completely normal to feel like you are drowning in house work?  I can't remember the last time I mopped my floor, vacuumed, or dusted.  I'm afraid that my dust bunnies are planning an attack any moment.  I have a few things I always try to keep up on: dishes and cleaning up the living room floor.  Because, let's face it, getting up to make breakfast and finding a huge mess totally ruins the day, and who wants to trip on something in the middle of the night when on their way to rock the baby back to sleep in the living room?  

Is this the way motherhood is going to be until they graduate?  Why do I see all these other homes on Facebook and pinterest and everything appears to be picked up and clean?  How do those moms do it?  When, between cooking dinner, doing homework, rocking babies, working out, and running kids everywhere to they find the time to keep their head above water on housework?  

Here reads my future obituary:

She was chased by dust bunnies, tried to run away, slipped on a toy, fell on the dirty floor, then drowned by her to-do list.  Ugh!