The dark side of parenting

There is something out there, in mothering, that nobody tells you about.  It doesn't matter what age your kids are, it can attack at any time and will for sure return in your days of being a parent...which is forever.  It reaches out, steals your day and ruins everything.  It doesn't matter where you are in your life, it will return and make you question everything you decide.  Today was that day.
Its a dark corner of depression that I believe most parents are struck with.  Now, I'm not talking about post partum depression or baby blues, empty nest, or any of those long term titles they give to depression.  This is the part of parenting that strikes you when you have are at your wits end with changing laundry, sweeping the floor, making meals, changing diapers, potty training, and dealing with demanding little kids.  I question every decision I have ever made as a parent, look around and realize that almost everything I own has been broken, written on, stained, chipped, cracked or otherwise tarnished with kids.  Its when I work all day cleaning really hard and then turn around and wonder if there is an inkling of domestic progress left in the chaos of children.  I wonder if I made the right decision to even have children....
Yes, I even get that dark sometimes.  I sit and wonder what if I never had children?  Would I be sitting on a beach, would I be going on fancy vacations, staying out late, sleeping in, and marveling at how wonderfully clean my house is?  I dream about this as I scrub toilets, clean up the 100th spill of the day, yell at my kids to help me for the 5000th time, and trip over toys that are scattered in an obstacle course throughout my house. A lot of times, I break down and cry and scream that I can't do it, I can't do another second of unloading and reloading the dishwasher, cooking another meal that nobody will like, washing a load of laundry because someone is out of shorts/socks/underwear, and wiping a tiny butt, again.  I, obviously, never want my children to see me like this, but usually they are around when it happens.  I worry about how I am affecting them permanently to let them see me break down and cry and lose my last remaining piece of composure. This, this is the dark side of parenting that you will never find in a book, magazine or forum.  Nobody wants to admit this happens to them, but I believe it happens to us all.  And maybe, if our kids see it, they will realize how hard this parenting gig really is.